There is no end to love

I have been back in Utah now for about two weeks and am still missing Cambodia. I have had so much time to digest everything I have learned from this life-changing experience and now that I have all my thoughts together I am ready to do an overview of my time spent among the Khmer people.

My goals in starting this were:

• Show my love for each child in an individual way
• Learn each of their names
• Teach them at least one new game, but I'm sure I'll mostly learn games from them!
• Do my very best at teaching English, and never give up! 
• Try one strange food (crickets?)
• Find one miracle every day (which I'll write here in this blog)
• Become more humble as to better serve those around me

I accomplished all of these goals aside from writing a miracle everyday and eating a cricket. I learned all their names, did my best at teaching English, showed my love for each of them individually, and was humbled by my constant feeling of inadequacy to teach these kids. Despite my lack of writing on a very regular basis, I did find miracles every day and it turned out that the biggest miracle that continued everyday is how blessed I am to have had the opportunity to meet these people, to befriend these children, and to learn from their amazing spirits. It's not everyday that you are able to become a part of so many different people's lives. I had a real family there. A mother, a brother, and sisters who cared about me and I cared deeply for each of them. I had classes to teach, children to love, and a full agenda of service. It was probably the hardest thing I have ever done, to go to a foreign country knowing absolutely no one. But I did it! Maybe I didn't do everything I could have while I was there, but I'm not done giving to these beautiful people while I'm here in the States! My job serving those whom I love in Cambodia and those I will meet and love here in the States is never done! There is no end to love, and therefore there is no end to service. I have never been more humbled in my life and am so grateful for the chance I had to figure out what is truly important in life. While I sat in the airport in Korea, I jotted down a few things that I had learned while in Cambodia. Things that it might have taken me a lifetime to learn without this experience. 

1. If you feel like you have learned much more than those you taught, you did something right.

2. Always smile at everyone.

3. Never be afraid to talk to a stranger (if you are safe, of course).

4. Forgiving is easy when you see through someone else's eyes. Forgetting is almost impossible but don't let that affect the way you treat someone, no matter what!

5. Anne Frank is right ("In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.")

6. You will never not be you.

7. Kindred spirits are EVERYWHERE!

8. Never forget those who got you to where you are [and here I have to stop and thank my family and friends especially my Mom and Dad for supporting me and loving me and always taking care of me]

9. Never stop thanking the Lord for such a wonderful life. 

10. NEVER stop praying for those in need.

11. Forgive yourself and move forward.

12. Never begrudge love to anyone

13. Never be afraid to ask questions. Curiosity is a wonderful human trait. We can't know the answers to questions we never ask (even if we just ask it within ourselves).

14. Let your face do the talking.

15. We are all humans

     We all have feelings.

     We all have dreams.

     We all need food, water, shelter.

     We all need sleep.

     We all need love.

     We all have discouragement and failures. 

     We must always remember that we are all equal.

16. I am positive that God leads us to the people we need most in our lives. All we must do is listen and follow the way he directs us. 

So maybe that isn't a few things I've learned, it is a lot. And surprise, there is even more. Cambodia taught me so much about my own capabilities, my own wants and needs and my own capacity for love. I couldn't tell you what the kids got out of it, but hopefully the knowledge that someone loves them, believes in them, and holds them in a special place in her heart. Cambodia currently owns prime real estate in my heart and soul. I think it will remain there forever. I thank God for this past month. And for those beautiful people who have changed my life. 

This is not the end of service for me. I am continuing to serve those kids from the States as I am attempting to plan a giant fundraiser to benefit the Orphanage through the Global Outreach Foundation. I need volunteers, I need ideas, I need smart people that know more about these kinds of things than I do. Contact me if you want to help! I'm planning on pulling this off in October so I have time to plan it all. I will be keeping you all updated on how it is coming and what the plans are looking like. I also have a TON of bracelets to sell if you want to be involved in that. Email me with any ideas you may have for a successful fundraiser!

kt24bug@gmail.com

You are all beautiful people. God bless you and yours! 

Thoughts lead to actions. Always.

No matter what you think, you can turn it into action. If you desire something, you can get it. People here don't always think like this. They have barriers that tell them that without money you cannot make your dreams come true, and making money is too difficult. The thing is, if you have an idea there is always a way to make it a reality. ALWAYS! And, there are always people ready to help you improve your idea.

So here's my idea. It is a very crazy idea that would be almost impossible, but I still believe it is possible. It sounds so silly to say it out loud, but I just think it might work if I can get people to help me. I was in the shower shampooing my hair listening to Justin Bieber when it hit me: the kids in the orphanage in Cambodia are huge Justin Bieber fans! And after watching his movie 'Never say never' I'm inclined to believe that he loves his fans. But I wonder how well he knows about his fans in Cambodia. If I wrote him a letter about how much these kids love him (and put some pictures in it) and explain their situation, etc. I wonder if he would decide to come to Cambodia for a concert and let the kids at the orphanage get in free! It would be so great for them. That, of course, is a GIANT idea. But I had a second thought as well. What if he just signed a bunch of CD's or posters and then mailed them to the orphanage! That would be much more likely to happen,  I think. Pretty possible, right? How cool would that be if I could give them that gift? Also, they love 'Crush' by David Archuletta and he's also likely to sign some things to give to the kids. He's a nice guy, right? Anyway, I was just pondering about all the things I could do for the kids because of all the things they have given me. I just want to do something for them!

I only have one more full day here in Cambodia and I'm starting to feel extremely sad about it. Thankfully, I have a few really fun things planned! Tomorrow, I'm going to teach the kids how to tie-dye! I'm really excited because I know they'll have a great time doing it. It took me a while to figure out where to buy dye and stuff but thanks to the internet I was able to figure out how to tie-dye without specifically having 'tie-dye' dye. Then, on Wednesday I'm going to throw a halloween party for the kids! We'll have bobbing for apples and pumpkin carving, and loooottsss of candy. Plus real food (probably hamburgers or something). I'm trying to think of other fun games. I don't think the kids really understand the whole costume thing. I tried to tell them to start putting together their costume but I don't know if that part is going to work out. We'll see. So these next two days are going to be busy and SO FUN!

Let me know if you have any ideas for halloween games!

A few overlooked miracles

Sometimes life certainly isn't what you expect. Sometimes it's better! That is exactly what this trip has been for me, much better than I anticipated. I have finally made a break-through with the kids and it has been so much fun  this past week.

I admit that I have been doing a bad job at cataloging all the amazing and miraculous things that have happened during these past two weeks or so. I apologize that this blog hasn't lived up to the hype, but you'll all be glad to know that it is only because I have been far too busy with teaching and learning to have time to write hardly anything at all. I have been doing a good job at recording the kids' progress individually. I have at least accomplished my most important goal while being here: to connect with each kid individually (and learn their names!) I honestly never thought I would remember all the names of the kids at CICFO but it only took me like two or three days to get it right.

A wonderful thing I have realized while teaching these children is how much we can learn from teaching kids. They have this gift to help us (adults) figure life out, to see things clearer. Spending time with youth helps us understand what is really important in life, and what we can do personally to help others. Children bring out our natural talents and gifts and help us to develop them. I had lost my love for music. It used to fill me to the top, I couldn't be happy without it. But when I started teaching here the kids brought the music out in me and now I realize I am so much more happy when I'm singing. I've noticed, too that this happens with everyone. We can all learn from children, I guess that's why being a mother is so rewarding. I can't wait until that blessing comes for me!

Today we went to the floating villages in Siem Reap and I was so amazed at the people we saw there. Khmer people are so beautiful. They are happy and humble and have this confidence about them that is so inspiring. We bought notebooks and pens to give to the children of the villages. It was such an exciting thing to see how the children's faces lit up just at receiving notebooks. They were so grateful. Another group of kids that I handed out the remaining pens to practically attacked me they were so desperate to have them. I was kind of scared at first but I started to relax because it was so humbling to see how desperate they were to have a simple pen. I will be praying for those beautiful children for the rest of my life.

Tomorrow and Sunday are going to be so exciting as we tour some of the ancient ruins around Siem Reap! I've decided that I'm going to post pictures when I get back to the states (which is in about 5 days). So be looking for them!

God bless you all!

What brightens your day?

Have you ever woken up in the morning filled with dread because its just too early to get out of bed and all you ever do is work, work, work? Ever feel like everyone hates you or that the world is against you? When you wake up in the morning and feel that way, what is it that cheers you up?

For me, it is the kids at CICFO. I went to EYC first thing in the morning in a grumpy mood. Its a shame to admit it, but I was. I do not like waking up early and anyone who knows me will admit that I'm not a morning person. I love the kids at EYC, but mornings are not my favorite. So I was still grumpy by the time I left because It was only 10:00am. Then, after running several erronds with Seiha (mostly trying to market the bracelets, and we also ran out of gas so we had to push his Moto to the nearest gas station--simply an adventure!) we went to CICFO. As soon as I got some delicious Khmer food in my belly and started teaching, everything that was on my mind left and as I focused on giving all my attention and love to the kids I became the happiest I've ever been. We had so much fun! I wrote down the words to the first verse of 'Baby' by Justin Bieber for the 3rd group and they were so excited, they started writing it down. And then we (by we  I mostly mean I) sang it about 10 times before we moved on to actual learning. One boy who doesn't say much actually said a few things to me and it made me sooo happy!! He sang along, too. He's a music nut so anything to do with new music makes him happy, but he's really shy so he needs a lot of encouragement. Man, I love kids. It is so fun to see them get excited about something!

After class was over Yang Yang, who had just woken up from a nap, came running towards me with his arms out stretched for a hug. So I bent down and opened my arms too and he threw himself onto me. It was the most priceless moment of my existence! I can't help but smile just thinking about it. Now I love my nephews and nieces.... But this is my favorite child in the WHOLE world. I want my babies to be exactly like him. If they're not, I'll still love him the most! It's a sad world, isn't it? haha.

Stay close to the people that make you the happiest. And never let them slip through your fingers just because of a silly mistake or misunderstanding.

Happy Independence Day America!

I love Cambodia! I love it as much as I love almost any other foreign place that I've been to (aka, France). But, although I do love it, I am so grateful to live in the land of the Free and the home of the Brave. It's a wonderful thing to know that the whole world is open to you, that you can do anything you set your mind to and that the government does not stand in your way, and the people cannot not stand in your way if you want to accomplish your goals. Freedom is worth fighting for. Opportunity is worth fighting for. Family is worth fighting for. So fight for it, never give up! Never let someone tell you you can't, not even yourself. 

Things are amazing here in Phnom Penh. The children at CICFO are getting more amazing in my eyes every day. I'm starting to understand their personalities and how to communicate with them. It's incredible how much you can communicate when there is such a huge language barrier. You learn to use your hands and sounds and small sentences. And then laugh when it is not understood instead of getting frustrated. You must laugh at difficulties or you'll become very frustrated. 

Have you ever seen the Lion King? There is a part when Rafeeke hits Simba in the head with a stick and Simba asks "What did you do that for?" 

"It doesn't matter, Its in the past." Rafeeke says in reply.

"Yeah but it still hurt." Simba says.

"Yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it is, you can either run from it or learn from it!" Rafeeke then swings his stick again and Simba ducks. Even though you may go through hurtful experiences, like having your heart broken, you can either run from it, or learn from it. I often choose the former and it doesn't help with happiness or fulfillment. Although there are things in my past I'd rather didn't happen, I can't change the past. It is time to put it behind me instead of carrying it in my pocket and pretending like I'm over it. Here is what I've learned while serving these beautiful people. I hope it helps any of you who are looking for answers. 

Miracles:

June 26th The Gospel of Jesus Christ is true no matter where you go in the world!

June 27th I realized the importance of letting go of unimportant things and just BE.

June 28th Anyone learning a second language is amazing!!

June 29th To really understand the meaning of a smile. It can change lives. 

June 30th If laughter is the best medicine, these kids are HEALTHY! 

July 1st    Kindred spirits are not so scarce afterall

July 2nd   Love is not best shown by what you say, but by what you do. 

July 3rd   Strangely enough, trust others' opinions of you. 

Today     You cannot change the world. You can change a life, but first, change yourself. 

These miracles or realizations have brought me to say how grateful I am for this opportunity. This truly has been and will continue to be an experience which will last a lifetime. Thank you who donated to my trip, I will never forget your kindness and support to me, and also to these children who I have come to love. 

Let me tell you a little bit about them. Each child is strong willed, smart, kind, funny, energetic, talented, and loving. They love the song "On the Floor" by J-lo as well as 'Baby' by Justin Beiber. They love to dance, to play games, puzzles, sing, draw, make bracelets, and cook. They help each other with everything and act just like any family, maybe even better. There are at least 4 mothers, three of which are full time and live there with the children. Most of the children come from an abusive home. The father would drink and abuse the mother, or have an affair, contract HIV/AIDs and give it to the mother. Or just leave the woman while she is pregnant. The children's mothers do not have enough money to take care of them or send them to school. Before they come to the orphanage, many of the kids lived on the streets with no education and no opportunity. One boy's mother was deemed 'crazy' by the neighborhood and he would frequent his days by throwing rocks at the kids who would taunt him about his mother. When he came to the shelter he hated all the kids and would fight with them. But now he is one of the sweetest, most delightful young men I've ever had the privilege to know. It's not just that these kids are given a home, but they are given a REAL family who cares for them, nurtures them, and teaches them good values which will sustain them through out their lives. I know these kids are capable of incredible things. They are so brilliant and their loving spirits are going to carry them from horizon to horizon. This orphanage is not just helping the children, I believe it is helping the whole nation of Cambodia by raising kids that will be well educated in school as well as in morality. I strongly encourage all of you to donate to this remarkable organization! I'm going to bring back some bracelets that the kids make to sell and sustain the shelter, if you wish to purchase some for $5 a piece just let me know. All the proceeds will go directly to the orphanage! $5 can go a looong way in Cambodia! You can also order them through the Global Outreach Foundation. Just go to Theglobaloutreach.org and click on 'Projects' and then 'Cambodia' and then 'CICFO' for more details. 

I really wish I could build a foundation like CICFO. Nothing can change a life better and faster than family. I guess that's why the LDS church focuses so much on strengthening the family. Once the family disintegrates, the world is soon to follow. For more information on the LDS views on the family go to http://lds.org/family/proclamation?lang=eng. 

I really want to post the videos I've taken but they take so long to upload and I never have enough time to wait for it. I put pictures up on facebook though if you don't want to wait for the blog to have pictures/ videos! Thanks for following! (in Khmer, thank you is pronounced 'awcoon') I love you all! 

Day One: Surreal

If I could describe today in one word it would be surreal. Am I really here? Did this really happen? Am I really meeting these people? Am I really seeing these things? Am I really teaching these children? For some reason everything feels so normal. Almost like I've done this before, except that this is the most amazing thing I have ever done. These are the most amazing people I've ever met. This is the most amazing place I've ever been! And it is only the first day.

The very first thing I thought when I woke up this morning, went CICFO, and then to EYC (empowering youth in Cambodia) is that I am absolutely inadequate for this job. I have no idea how to teach, I can hardly understand anything anyone is saying to me, and I am going to be doing this all alone! I should probably back up.

My flight across the world was incredible. I met 5 people that truly made my life better. The first man was an American. He sat next to me on the plane from SLC to San Fransisco and helped me map out my route to my hotel with his blackberry. He was kind and helpful and helped me feel much better about being in San Fransisco alone. The next person I met was a young girl named Bianca from Taiwan. She helped me find my way on BART (the metro system) to Montgomery street. She was so kind and wonderful, I instantly felt as though I had made a friend. Then, on my flight from San Fran to Korea I met two guys one from Thailand and the other from China. They were both interested in my life and were so kind and patient with me when I did not understand their accents. The Korean airport in Seoul is humongous and so fancy! This is where I met the last lady. I never learned her name but she was from America and was going to Phnom Penh for a temporary job. We laughed with each other and swapped stories like we had been friends for years. It is so refreshing to meet people that are genuinely interested in you as a person. Why don't we all do that with one another?

When I landed in Cambodia I was surprised at how simple it was to get a visa. Then I found Seiha, Botevy, and Botevy's daughter waiting for me with a sign that read 'Katia'. That in itself made me happy. They all gave me a hug and were so kind. I must admit I felt very awkward at first because I had no idea what to say to them, not to mention I could barely understand them. And I couldn't pronounce Botevy's daughter's name. When I got to Botevy's house, where I'm staying, I was taken aback by how nice it is! My room is beautiful. And I have my own bathroom! I also have an ac unit and a refrigerator. And my bed is SO comfortable!

In the morning I got up and ate noodles (which were basically raman noodles) for breakfast, met the two Australian girls that I'd be volunteering with for the next 4 days (who are really great!), and then rode on the back of a motobike (basically just a small motorcycle) to CICFO. I met the kids we would be teaching who are all amazingly ADORABLE!! One little boy, the youngest who is about 3 years old, came and gave us all big hugs and smiled at us with his big brown eyes shining like the sun. I'm telling you that you've never seen cuter kids than these ones. I felt so awkward because I had absolutely no idea what to do. But the kids really are just regular kids, they're just harder to communicate with because they don't speak english very well. But I'm realizing that no one in Cambodia speaks very well English. It's just something I have to be in tune to with, i guess. I'll pick up on their accents eventually I'm sure.

We then went to EYC which is in the slums of Phnom Penh. It was humbling to see that kind of poverty. But honestly, I felt almost at home. It is a peaceful place, even if it is impoverished. Or, at least it is where the school room and yoga room is. Aziza is the name of the school. The kids that go there learn english, some math, computer skills, yoga, and other important things. This is where I truly began to relax. I started interacting better with the kids and even got one of them to start writing after he refused time and time again! He was so cute and if I could remember his name or how to spell it I would. The last class we went to was older, probably young adults. Late teens, early 20's. They are wonderful! We had soo much fun there. One girl is a really good Khmer dancer and showed us some of her skills. We talked about our favorite animals, what makes us happy, how many siblings we have, Utah weather (they didn't really understand what 'cold' meant and when I asked if they had seen snow they all said, on TV! haha), and they were all really interested about my life. I tried to explain to them what it meant to be a Rec Therapist but it didn't make much sense to them. After this class I kind of woke up and started realizing what a special experience this is for me. I don't have to know exactly what I'm doing. I still have things to offer these kids! And learning to give them all they deserve from me is going to be my greatest challenge.

The weather is hot and sticky and I LOOVVVVEE it!!!! I look horribly ugly, but I didn't feel the least bit judged for it.

Miracle for yesterday: That I FLEW across the world in a PLANE in the SKY!!
Miracle for today: The Khmer people's smiles [Google Khmer rouge, or Phnom Penh slums and you'll understand what I'm talking about]

Overall, today has just been the beginning. It's about to get better. With pictures I promise!!

What would you do with one day left?

Well, for me, I'm just a-packin'. I have one day left until the first day of the rest of my life! This blog is finally going to get interesting! I'm going to have amazing experiences with the children in Cambodia, tour historic landmarks, learn so many new things, and change in ways I can't even begin to imagine. Here are my goals for my volunteer experience in Cambodia.

• Show my love for each child in an individual way
• Learn each of their names
• Teach them at least one new game, but I'm sure I'll mostly learn games from them!
• Do my very best at teaching English, and never give up! 
• Try one strange food (crickets?)
• Find one miracle every day (which I'll write here in this blog)
• Become more humble as to better serve those around me

I was scared for a little while, especially about paying for this. But I don't think I'm scared at all anymore. I am 100% excited about this experience! I'm going to make the most out of it and work so hard to deserve this opportunity. I'd say my only fear now about the trip is just that I won't rise to my potential. I won't let that happen. I'm going to be the best I can possibly be. These kids deserve it! Maybe I'll find a way to carry my determination and motivation back with me. Will it fit in my carry on? I'll have to see. = ) 

So, as for my Itinerary, I will be leaving for the airport on Monday at 2:50. Then I'll land in San Fransisco at 6:30pm. I have a hotel for that night and I'll try to tour the city that night and before my flight leaves the next day at 1:10pm. Then I'm flying to Korea where I have a two hour layover. I'll get to Phnom Penh around 11:30pm on the 22nd of June!!! It's funny I won't actually be in Cambodia for another 4 days or so, but I leave in two. Crazy! I won't be writing until I land in Cambodia unless something important happens between now and then. Wish me luck!!! Catch ya'll on the other side of the world!